BREAKING: “THE DEMOCRATS ARE CORRUPT AND EVIL, AND I AM THE EXACT OPPOSITE!” Trump issues a HILARIOUS early morning declaration of his own moral perfection as congressional investigations loom!

Donald Trump woke up before dawn this morning – if he ever actually slept – and decided that America needed an urgent announcement about his personal virtue.

“THE DEMOCRATS ARE CORRUPT AND EVIL, and I am the exact opposite!” the president proclaimed on Truth Social at 5:50 a.m.

That’s right. Donald Trump has personally certified himself as the very antithesis of corrupt and evil. Glad we cleared that up!

The outburst comes after a day of Trump watching Fox News wring its collective hands about Democrats taking control of Congress in January armed with subpoena powers and plans to investigate Trump, his family’s fishy business dealings, and the conduct of his Cabinet hacks.

Trump somehow thinks we are going to buy his accusation that Democrats are trying to distract from “MASSIVE BLUE STATE CORRUPTION” and insisted that his refusal to collect a presidential salary unequivocally confirms his integrity.

I know you are but what am I?

Apparently still dissatisfied with the state of his reputation, Trump returned to Truth Social at 6:28 a.m. to rage about Democrats obtaining his tax records during his first term.

Meanwhile, incoming House Oversight Committee chairman Robert Garcia has delivered a considerably shorter message to administration officials facing possible investigations: “Lawyer up.”

And when the White House counsel warned that certain congressional investigations could cross into criminal conduct, Garcia called his bluff and vowed to look for fire wherever they see smoke.

Trump may proclaim he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread, but the Democrats aren’t buying. Let the investigations begin.